Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
