I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
