i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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