If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
