Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
