now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
