Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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