I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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