I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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