Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
nutella sex= disaster
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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