how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
