She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
