i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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