I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
