I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
