She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
