I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Ketchup is God's man juice
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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