had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So squirting runs in the family.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
