Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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