We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
