I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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