I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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