stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
