i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
