life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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