Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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