Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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