I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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