I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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