Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
