on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You're a waste of cheezeits
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
