Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
