He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
