Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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