Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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