I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
