A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
