love makes seman taste better
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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