If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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