I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
