Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
