We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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