we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
