I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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