Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
