In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
