oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
