They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
