Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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