Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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