idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
