I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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