Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
