Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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