Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
