if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
