I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
