Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
