hell yes lets make some ravioli
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
