I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
